


my heart makes me feel like a fool

by bestabsoluteduelist



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 3x19, 3x20, Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Big Sister Alex Danvers, F/F, Gen, Identity Reveal, SuperCorp, alternate 3x20, but it's haaaaaaaard, i'm trying to work with canon, post 3x19
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-13 04:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestabsoluteduelist/pseuds/bestabsoluteduelist
Summary: “It’s not just right now. I lied to her, and I’ve been lying to her, and she deserves friends who don’t have to lie. And--I--can’t--ever--be that.”Kara dealing with Lena's disillusionment. With some help from Alex, the two have a serious conversation about the Supergirl-sized rift in their relationship... before all world-killing hell breaks loose.Alternate version of 3x20 where J'onn goes into space instead of Kara - will keep updating and follow this timeline through to the end of the season!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I'm posting it anyway! I've never done that before!  
> This started as my expectations/hope for canon but now it's just my most fervent desire for Lena and Kara to have the chance to talk through their issues like emotionally mature adults who care about each other.  
> ...followed by DRAMA and MAGICAL FIGHT SCENES.

 

“‘Go to jail’” Kara squints at the card through her glasses, brows creasing in annoyance. “‘Go directly to jail, do not pass go--’” she breaks off with a sigh and reaches across the board for the silver dog.

Ruby slides the piece down when Kara’s stretched full over the board and can’t quite scoot it the last couple of squares. “I got it,” she smirks. Kara grumbles something about ‘rent-controlled’ and ‘you’d give my landlord a run for their money’ as Alex shakes the dice. They clatter on the board and _almost_ mask the familiar footsteps coming down the hallway.

Kara feels like she’s just sucked in her ice breath. Her arms tighten around her knees where she’s curled up on the couch, and she wills the grip to stop her body from shaking.

Alex catches a glimpse of her and raises an eyebrow, but before she can ask, there’s an audible knock at the door. Alex’s questioning look settles into something of understanding as she gets up and pads to the door. A password, several bolts and latches, and one fingerprint scan later--it’s true, Reign could just blow the entire wall apart, but the DEO-installed security provides at least a sliver of comfort--Lena is admitted into the apartment.

The fierce, cold green eyes Kara remembers are warm and bright now. Lena greets them all in a breezy voice as she heads to the kitchen with bags of sticky buns and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, now determined to be Ruby’s favorite.

Kara adjusts her glasses, as though it might shake the sound of _we’re not friends_ from echoing in her head. As though the world might readjust with the useless lenses, focus into a reality where neither of them hurt from secrets hidden and leveled. But when she stops fiddling and lets the frames rest on her face, Lena is dodging Ruby’s questions about Supergirl, both oblivious to Kara’s barely-masked discomfort. Alex watches her. Hard. But Kara ignores it and prays her sister will just let her leave in peace

“Hey, um.” Kara finds herself on her feet. All eyes are on her and the unexpected silence is suffocating. “I actually--have an article to finish, so I should head out early…”

She forces a smile and a clumsy laugh. Lena looks crestfallen, and Kara tries not to compare it to how she looks when she’s _betrayed--_

“Aw, but Monopoly!” Ruby protests. Kara shakes her head, an attempt at nonchalant. Come on Kara. Play it cool. “I think it’s over for me anyway,” Kara gestures to the jail.

“How about we keep going and let Lena take over,” Alex suggests, slipping an arm around her sister. Kara feels her throat squeezing shut. “Eh, Lena? Up for the challenge of trying to salvage Kara’s massive debt?”

Lena chuckles from where she’s scooping ice cream into four--no, three--bowls. One sits empty to the side. “Sounds on par with sorting out L-Corp’s finances.” She digs into the ice cream a fourth time, casting an expectant eye on Kara. Her face softens, sensing _something_ troubling from her friend. “Are you sure you don’t want a bowl--or three--before you go?”

Kara manages to twist her head back and forth. “No, I’m good.”

Alex starts to steer her to the door before anyone can think too much about _Kara just refused food, what the actual--_ ”I’m just gonna let her out, I’ll be right back.”

Once more, latches are undone, buttons are pressed, and Alex’s door finally releases them into the hallway. Alex follows Kara into the space, leaving the door open just a hair behind her.

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispers when Alex keeps a hand on her shoulder and fixes her with that Big Sister Concerned Look. “I can’t--”

“Hey, hey,” Alex shushes, hands now on both shoulders. “You don’t have to apologize. I know, this is hard right now, but--”

But that’s just it. Something cracks in the tightness in her chest, and Kara glimpses the truth. It leaves her shaking and gasping and trying her hardest not to break down in the hallway in front of Alex’s apartment. She interrupts Alex because that truth is like a freight train barreling her over.

“I can’t keep lying to her, Alex.” Her voice trembles. “It’s not just _right now._ I lied to her, and I’ve _been_ lying to her, and she deserves friends who don’t have to lie. And--I--can’t-- _ever_ \--be that.” Oh Rao, she’s going to break down.

Alex grips her shoulders. “Kara. Breathe. Come on.” She takes a deep breath and Kara struggles to match. After two or three tries, Kara manages a slow exhale that might frost the tips of Alex’s hair, but it serves to calm the hero.

“Do you want me to come back with you...?” the older Danvers offers, dropping her arms. “Or… I could ask Lena to leave--”

“No,” Kara cuts in. “No, don’t do that. I’m--” she swallows the lie of _I’m okay_ , and just shakes her head back and forth. “I just want to go home.” Alex nods, pulls her in tight.

“Love you,” she murmurs in Kara’s ear. “Call me later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Kara mumbles back, and Alex watches her trudge down the hallway and wave goodbye as the elevator doors close around her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex says all the things that no one else has the courage to say to Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I was just going to have fighting and a dramatic identity reveal, but that felt cheap. Kara deserves a chance to salvage her relationship and her secret identity.
> 
> THEN we can have fighting and cheesy dramatic identity reveal anyway. 
> 
> I also never post fics without endings planned hobey ho here we go.
> 
> also sorry I write so slow. How do you all write so much so fast???

Alex knows she’s going to check her phone approximately every two and a half minutes for the rest of the night, and she’s going to feel guilty any time Lena mentions any version of Kara, but what else can they do? 

Lena is indeed, fixing her with a strange look when Alex returns to the couch, but the game of Monopoly continues with a decided effort on the part of both adults to  _ seem  _ happy. Alex wins only because Ruby--who had been leading the whole game--and Lena--who is determined to make something out of Kara’s terrible spot--end up focusing only on each other. The night ends with fistfuls of money and terrible corny insults thrown about the room.  Ruby eventually gets distracted messaging friends from school. Alex retreats to the kitchen to clean up, and inevitably, Lena follows.

Alex wills her not to say anything, but of course--

“Is everything alright with Kara?”

Lena’s voice is quiet and so concerned. Alex doesn’t know all of what’s been happening, and Kara hasn’t been keen to share, but even so, she’s seen the widening gulf between the way Lena treats Kara and the way she treats Supergirl, and wishes somehow they could reconcile the two.

“Yeah,” Alex hears herself say. She’s got more practice at this lying thing than Kara does. She can pull this off. Right? “She’s just…” a reasonable lie pops into her head. “She feels bad she can’t do anything, with you working on a cure, me at the DEO.”

“Hmm.” Lena nods. “And Mon-El.”

_ That  _ is a can of worms Alex is not willing to touch and she prays to whatever God is listening, to  _ Rao,  _ that Lena doesn’t ask any more questions of why Kara’s now-married ex-boyfriend has been pining for Supergirl for the last several months. For one, she doesn’t have enough scotch in the apartment to recover from that conversation. For two--

“Is that all?” Lena pushes softly, like she’s afraid of the answer. Alex breathes out a sigh of relief at least at not having to talk about Mon-I’m-the-literal-worst-at-hiding-my-feelings-El. She tries to take control of the conversation. 

“What else would there be?” Ever the clandestine government organization employee, answering question with question. 

“I don’t know -- James, work…?“ Lena lets out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not really sure how to--”

“Lena, I think we’re close enough for you to stop playing the ‘I’m a Luthor and we don’t have friends card’”

“Yes, well,” Lena rolls her eyes. “I was going to say ‘how to handle  _ when Kara won’t talk to me  _ but thank you for the reminder.” 

“You’re welcome.” They share a chuckle, but Lena’s face darkens again.

“But seriously… Alex, I feel like she’s avoiding just  _ me.” _

Alex is ready to dodge the topic. She has a dozen covers ready to go. But here is Lena, coming to mend whatever unknown rift is growing between her and Kara, while Kara is halfway across the city mourning what she thinks is un-mendable. Lena waits, chewing her bottom lip the way she always does around Kara, nervous and waiting for the answer. 

“She’s torn,” Alex chooses her words carefully, watches Lena out of the corner of her eye as she rinses the last of the dishes. “Because you and Supergirl are both really important to her.” Lena stiffens.

“Supergirl?” Lena asks, incredulous. “That doesn’t have anything to do with her!” 

Alex feels like maybe she’s crossed a line. She could retreat. She could play it safe. She turns the water off, dries her hands, turns to face Lena.

Or she could cross a few more.

“It does have to do with her. How do you expect her to handle when her--her closest friends,” Alex knows what she’s saying and she does it anyway--”are turning into archenemies?” 

Lena’s eyes go wide. Alex might have well  _ hit  _ her for what she’s implying.    


“You say you’re not your brother--and  _ you’re not _ \--but look how you’re  _ treating  _ her, Lena! Yeah, she fucked up big time. She never should have doubted, but none of us knew James was that close to you, and you--you don’t know what she’s been through with Kryptonite. The last time someone tried to make it, she tore apart half the city. She threw Cat Grant off a building. She tried to  _ kill me. _ ” 

Lena stares at Alex, stunned. She’d heard the reports of Supergirl’s sudden war on National City but chalked it up to yellow journalism. 

“And I get that she’s been lousy to you about it. She keeps flying off the handle, and you don’t deserve that. But just like you’ve got your baggage about being betrayed, about being lied to and doubted--so does she.

“So yeah, she’s hot-headed, and she says things without thinking, and she really messed up. And you don’t have to forgive her. But you asked me what’s up with Kara… well, that’s it. If you want to fix things between you and Kara, you’re gonna have to work this out.”

* * *

Kara focuses on the city sounds as hard as she can, if only to drown out her own thoughts. They’re erratic, a pinball of self-loathing ricocheting in her brain and lighting up memories of all the people who’ve lied to her, the ways she’s hurt her friends with her identity, the things she’s felt and seen because of Kryptonite. She slips from one memory to the next each time growing more and more hopeless in this fervor to mend what was once the best friendship in her life.

Her feet take her automatically back to the apartment, and she’s trudging through the door when her phone lights up. She rolls her eyes-- _ couldn’t wait, Alex?  _ The thought of her sister looking out for her soothes the ache of heartbreak just a bit. 

A text message preview lights up the screen:

Alex: dON’T BE MAD AT ME UNTIL AFTER YOU TALK 

Kara blinks at the message, confused. Mad? The phone starts to vibrate again, and Kara assumes it’s Alex calling to clarify. Her thumb slides across the screen before her brain can catch up to the words on the screen --  _ Lena <3 --  _ and the call’s connected before Kara can stop it.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena talk.

 

Kara panics. 

She hangs up.

The reporter stares at the phone in her hand, wary. Lena doesn’t want to be friends with someone who’s constantly lying to her. She’s made that abundantly clear. And given the choice between exposing her to tenfold more danger than she’s already in and betraying their friendship--

The phone buzzes and Kara has half a mind to throw it across the room, but it’s just a text. A series of texts, as the phone continues to hum against Kara’s palm, all from Alex.

 

11:12pm 

okay so Lena asked me what was wrong with you  
I told her work and stuff but she wasn’t having it  
and honestly I can’t stand how this all went down  
you two are best friends

11:13pm  
so I told her you’re upset abt her and Supergirl fighting  
she’s really upset about losing you Kara  
I think you should try to talk to her

 

Anxiety builds in her chest as each text lights up, til she’s practically vibrating with it. Kara types back hastily.

11:15pm  
but. everything I say is still a lie. and that’s not fair to her.

  
  


11:15pm  
KARA  
You’re not lying because you want to

11:16pm  
you’re doing it so some psycho doesn’t kidnap her and put her in a tank in a warehouse and make you watch her drown  
you’re not manipulating her, you’re not using Kara Danvers to get something out of her  
stop feeling like you’re wrong to control your identity and tell her how you feel!!  
she wouldn’t stop asking me til I told her what was wrong, she freaking WANTS to talk about this

The text message disappears and Lena’s name lights up the screen again. Kara’s heart stutters. Lena’s not willing to give up on  _ her  _ so easily. With shaky inhale, Kara swipes the phone once more.

“Hi.”

“ _ Hi _ ,” Lena breathes with what sounds like relief. 

“I, um--” Kara crosses to the counter to finally drop her stuff down. She’s just been standing useless in the entranceway. Takes a breath, braces herself. If she’s gonna be honest with Lena, might as well start now. “Alex texted me. That you talked.”

“Yes.” Pause. “I said I’m worried about you, and Alex said you’re upset about--what’s going on with me and Supergirl. Is that true?”

Kara closes her eyes. Rao, help her. “Yes.” Her nerves are failing. “Lena--with everything going on with Sam, should… should we really be doing this right now?”

“Will there be anything left for us to talk about if we don’t?”

Kara pauses. Every passing day seems to break their relationship more and more, and she whispers in such a small, defeated voice. “I don’t know.”

“So we do it now.”

“Okay.” Kara sits on a stool at the kitchen counter, just to have something solid to grab onto. “Okay. Lena just--before we start--you’re my best friend and I love you. I meant everything I’ve ever said about protecting you and believing in you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“I don’t want that, either.”

“I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose, or--

“ _ Kara _ .” The Kryptonian can picture Lena rolling her eyes, mouth twisting into a smile. “If we’re going to have this talk, let’s have it.”

“Okay.” Something whizzes in the farthest reaches of Kara’s hearing, but she doesn’t pay attention. 

“Alex is right. I am… it is you and Supergirl that’s been upsetting me.”

The noise grows louder. Kara rubs an ache in her chest - nerves? 

Lena’s voice takes a hard edge. “And what about that is upsetting to you?” 

“A lot of things. I--we’re close, Supergirl and I--” Kara’s never had to talk about Supergirl’s feelings like this before and it’s a little surreal. “--so she told me most of it. I’m sorry if that’s an invasion of your privacy.”

“It’s… fine.” It was clearly  _ not  _ fine, but Lena didn’t push.

“She told me because she feels bad. That’s not an excuse, I know. I think she did wrong by you, Lena.”

“But.” It’s not a question.

Kara closes her eyes.  _ Rao, please.  _ “Lena, you think I’ve been pushing you away, and I have. With all that’s going on, there are two things that make me think…. You won’t want to be friends with me either.”

“Kara--” Lena starts. 

“Please--just-- let me get this out.  I have secrets, Lena. You were so hurt when she betrayed you, and I know there are things about myself I can never tell you. I’m not lying because I want to. I’m not… trying to get something out of you, or be anything I’m not. But for as long as you’ve known me Lena, I’ve been hiding parts of myself from you. And I can’t ever change that.”

There’s a long silence. “You said there were two things?”

Kara's heart is hammering away. Here goes the hard part.  
"I think Supergirl was wrong to send Guardian to check your vault. There are a million ways she could have handled that better." She forces the words out. "But if I--had been in the same place--if I was her and there was Kryptonite and I knew that Kryptonite gone wrong could make me hurt the people I care about, could make me level an entire city--"  
  
A deep breath, a silent prayer to Rao, a plea for faith from Lena.  


"I would have done the same.”

 

* * *

 

_ “I would have done the same.” _

Lena’s hands fist in the bedsheets, trying to remind herself that she’s not really falling. “Why are you telling me this?” 

Kara's voice, has, if possible, gotten even meeker. “You deserve the truth.”

Lena's chest burns, the familiar anger flooding her, and just disbelief.  “I don’t think I believe you. Do you know what you’re saying? Do you know how she betrayed me?”   


“I do. I know everything.” Kara’s voice is muffled. Lena imagines she’s trying to not cry. “I think it’s terrible, and I think what she did was wrong, and I think if I had done it it would’ve been wrong, but I just-- I can’t keep hearing about it without telling you. Every time I see you, I think… if that was me--”

“Did she put you up to this?” Lena can't fathom this coming from Kara.  _Kara,_ admitting that she'd be willing to betray their friendship? Kara,  _I'll always protect you_ Danvers would--would  _never--!_

“No!” Kara  _ is  _ crying now, and not trying to hide it. “No. This is  _ me.”  _ There’s something so fervent in that. “It’s awful, and it’s hurting you, and if I’d done it I’d spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it, but Lena, I think I would’ve overreacted the same, I think I would’ve done something stupid, and I--

Lena shakes her head. “Kara, this is all--just--hypotheticals.”

“Not to me,” she whispers.

Lena grinds her forehead into her free hand. “Kara--”

Lena hears a tinny  _ crashing  _ sound, like someone’s dropped something breakable or smashed in a window. Kara yelps. There’s rustling of movement, but the call stays connected this time. Whatever Lena’s going to say flies from her thoughts. Worried, her heart pounds double-time.

“What was that?” Lena finds herself standing, springing into action. There’s a beat. Two. The only response she gets is Kara’s breathing and moving around her apartment. “Kara! Are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah,” Kara says hastily, shifting the phone in her grasp. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Someone… uh... threw a rock through my window?” 

Lena sighs, relieved. Kara has nothing to do with Reign and the worldkillers, but every little thing sets her on edge these days. “Okay,” Lena breathes. “I hear you moving. Please don’t pick up broken glass with your bare hands.”

Kara lets out a muffled laugh, the first bit of levity Lena's heard from her friend in  _ weeks _ . “I’ll be safe, promise. I’m just going to look--”

There’s a moment where all is well.  Under all the stress of the conversation and the sudden worry for whatever’s going on, Lena realizes how fiercely she’s willing to fight for Kara. And whatever disagreement they have, whatever feelings are getting in the way right now, they both want to make this work. 

Then--

Kara’s screaming. 

Raw, deep, uninhibited. She didn’t just pick up a piece of glass and cut herself, she didn’t trip and fall. She’s in  _ pain _ .

It sears through Lena like fire. “ _ Kara!” _

There’s another howl of pain, a strained  _ Lena--!  _ And then garbled mechanical noise and the line goes dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout-out to my good friend, the reason for all of my Supergirl shenanigans, who not only gave me suggestions when I messaged her and said 'so I want Lena and Kara to have a mature emotional conversation but then I also want FIGHTING and DRAMA and maybe EMOTIONAL CONVERSATIONS AT THE SAME TIME' but she sat down and wrote it all out for me and said 'here you go! also you can rewrite this to fit however you want'.   
> Drama next chapter is courtesy of her ;)


	4. Chapter 4

_ “Please don’t pick up broken glass with your bare hands.” _

All the tension that’s been building up in their disagreement, suddenly, vanishes at the irony of Lena’s concern. Looking out for  _ Kara  _ when she’s the one with the superpowers, she’s the one who’s promised to protect Lena always, she’s the one breaking Lena’s heart probably, and Lena’s response is to make sure she’s being responsible. Kara snorts, laughs like she hasn’t in weeks. 

“I’ll be safe, promise.” She tiptoes her way through the remnants of the window to a familiar looking bit of crystal. She’s seen one just the night before--it’s a Kryptonian sun stone. Confused, distracted, Kara stupidly reaches for it. “I’m just going to look--”

It feels like she’s on fire.

A scream rips from Kara as the crystal overloads her body. She’s burning from the inside out, like all of energy in her body is trying to explode out all at once. She realizes how  _ incredibly stupid  _ it was to grab the thing someone’s thrown into her apartment, and she drops the stone. It clatters on the floor, glowing unnerving red. 

She’s dropped the hand holding the phone but Lena’s voice still comes through clearly --  _ Kara!  _

She tries to focus on that, tries to control her panicked breathing even as her eyes heat up and her body burns.  _ Get Alex! _ she wants to say, and--and--

_ I’m sorry _

Kara stumbles back from the offending sun stone on the floor, like distance might help.

_ I trust you _ _   
_ __   
The counter digs into her back, and her free hand finds it, clutches it for support.    
  


_ Please forgive me _

Wood and stone sear and smoke at the touch.   
_   
_ _ Please believe in yourself _

Shaking hands release it and Kara drops to her hands and knees.

_ Like I always believed in you  _

She tries to put it into words, even as her body tears itself apart, but “ _ Lena-- _ ” is all Kara manages to gasp before the phone in her hand sizzles and melts down to its circuits. Kara squints at it and realizes her vision’s blurring. She can just make out the embers as her hands burn into the floor, and the faint glow from her limbs, but the room is fuzzy and faint.

The wood blackens beneath her, but Kara can’t move, can’t do anything but curl up and fight the solar energy that’s clawing its way out of her body.

* * *

Lena’s first thought is  _ GET HELP.  
_

Help. Okay. Who? Police? EMS?

...

Lena’s second thought is  _ GET ALEX.  _

That jolts her into action. With Kara’s screams echoing in her ears, Lena rushes through the door.

Her third thought, and the undercurrent of all of her thoughts for the next several days is  _ I should have talked to her before she left I should have been there I should have-- _

That distracts her into just staring at Ruby and Alex with horror, unable to form words. They’re both on the couch, watching something on the TV.  Alex turns as soon as she hears the door, and is up and at Lena’s side in an instant. 

“Lena? Did everything go okay with Kara?”`

“She’s in trouble.” Lena finally gets control of her faculties, stands up straighter and mentally reviews everything that just happened. With a quick glance at Ruby, who’s still paying attention to the TV, Lena hooks her arm into Alex’s and pulls her into the bedroom. 

“Trouble?” Alex raises an eyebrow. Lena opens her mouth to explain, when someone’s phone interrupts. Alex pats her pockets and freezes when she finds the source of the ringing. 

Lena knows what Alex’s phone--what Alex’s  _ personal  _ phone looks like, and it’s not the sleek matte black iPhone she pulls out. Alex glances down at it but doesn’t take the call, looking to Lena expectantly, and Lena gives a quick rundown -- something thrown in the window, Kara inspecting it, screaming, melting phone. 

“Wait, the phone did what?”

“Melted. I think.” Lena amends. “I could hear glass popping before the call cut out.”

“Okay.” Alex’s DEO phone buzzes again, and this time she puts it to her ear. Lena can hear Winn’s panicked voice coming through as soon as the call connects. Alex listens for several seconds, and when there’s a pause in Winn’s voice -- “I’m here with Lena. She was on the phone with Kara when it happened. Says there was a rock or something thrown through Kara’s window.”

Alex listens, nods. “I’ll meet the team there. You need to get more info on those sun stones by the time I'm there."   


She hangs up the call, crossing to the closet. “Lena, can you stay here with Ruby?”   


“I--of course, but--”

“You can tell her some of what’s going on. I promised to be honest with her.” Alex is pulling a sleek black outfit off a hanger. 

“Okay--”  
  
“Call Winn if you need anything or need to get in touch with me.” She shrugs her shirt off. Lena realizes the situation is too dire to worry about personal space but at least turns away from Alex to face the wall around out of general politeness. 

“Why  _ Kara? _ ” Lena finally manages to get in. 

“Because she’s close to us. Close to Supergirl,” Alex says without missing a beat. “Honestly, I  _don’t_ _care,_ I’m going to end whoever it is regardless.” 

Alex flees from the bedroom, shouts a hasty goodbye and promise to explain everything later to Ruby, and then she’s gone. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started with this set ambiguously post 3x19 with the intent that it could go wherever… I got a friend involved and suddenly we have a very detailed outline of an alternate 3x20 where J’onn goes to space with Mon-El instead of Kara and now we've got Coville involved... I intended like a 3 or 4 chapter fic, that’s not what this is going to be. Buckle up for the rest of season 3, baby. 
> 
> Also I'm a really slow writer so updates will be very short but hopefully frequent.

Kara’s not sure how much longer she can hold out. She’s also not sure how much longer the floor can hold out, but she suspects the whole apartment will go up in flames if she loses control, making the floor a moot point. It’s like her heat vision is running through her veins, scorching everything in its path and trying to tear its way out of her body. Her voice is tired and hoarse from screaming. She’s left trembling on hands and knees, whimpering and praying for some change before she’s ripped apart.

The door opens and someone slips into the room, and there’s a moment of hope that Lena called for help. Then the fallen hero hears footsteps, slow and deliberate. Whoever it is keeps their distance. 

Kara squeezes her eyes tight, glances through the barest crack in her eyelids. Her heat vision cracks the lenses on her face and she’s forced to shut her eyes once more.

“The Girl of Steel. This is the second time I’ve seen you on your knees.”

The man who’s broken into her apartment speaks in a calm, measured voice. Kara scrambles to place it, but it’s not hard, considering they just had his journal yesterday. 

“Coville,” she chokes out. It’s hard to talk still, but the energy rocketing through her is starting to level off. She stays still, keeps curled up tight on the floor, but the apartment is in less imminent danger. If she can hold on long enough for Alex to get here… she makes a plat for time, and information.“What--did you do to me?”

He circles her, admiring his handiwork. Kara resists the urge to sweep his feet out from under him and stop him before he can do anything else. But she stays put, riding out the waves of pain as best she can.

“This isn’t just any typical sunstone that you’ve come into contact with.” The footsteps stop. “It’s a sunstone for a World Killer. It holds all of their genetic information.”   
  
Kara thinks of Olivia, overwhelmed with power, crying out for help.    
  
“Your average Kryptonian cells can’t handle the power of a World Killer and are now rejecting the power within them. Pushing out the solar radiation to make room for something greater.”

“You’re--turning me into--a world killer?” Kara grits out. She thinks of Julia, and Sam, trapped and alone in the dark,  _ dead.  _ The energy is ebbing from her body now. Her fists tighten, and she chances a glimpse at the floor. “But--you--prayed for me--”

“You’ve lost your way, Kara Zor-El.” Coville stoops, plucks the red crystal from the floorboards. “It’s been long enough. You need Rao’s guidance _now_.” 

Kara opens her eyes all the way. She blinks once. Twice. No lasers. Nothing’s on fire. The fire in her limbs has settled to something more dull, and bearable. She tenses, ready to spring. “This isn’t Rao’s will!”

In one motion, Kara rips off her glasses and flies--literally--at Coville, aiming to pin him before he can touch the stone to her. He has the stone, but she’s really freaking fast. For a split second, she can see his face, calm, smirking. He draws a breath, and hisses in her native tongue. 

Kara has him facedown on the ground before he gets more than two words out. He’s still smiling, and as he finishes the sentence, the crystal in his hand pulses brighter red.

“Kara Zor-El,” Coville finishes.

 

Many things happen at once.

 

The door opens a third time that night, where Alex has entered alone despite Winn’s protests that  _ the team is almost there, Alex, just wait thirty seconds--!! _

Coville resumes chanting in Kryptonian, holding the stone out in front of him like a ward.

And Kara--

If she felt like she was on fire before, she  _is_ the fire now. Everything is fire, and pain. She’s on the surface of Krypton as it shatters apart. Every inch of her is burning, scorching energy trying to force its way out. She’s left writhing on the ground with no awareness of anything but her body being ripped apart from the inside.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still going! Somewhere... probably into the upside down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I'm the worst at updating things and this is super short and honestly how do any of you even stand these tiny baby updates
> 
> (also neon signs by contagiousiridescence just updated and it's everything I ever wanted in a end of season 3 rewrite fic you should go read it and know that I wish I could write like that)

Lena and Ruby are sitting on the couch. The TV is still playing but long forgotten. Explaining what had just happened to Kara had led to explaining  _ why  _ she was on the phone with Kara, which led them now to--

“Supergirl.” Ruby’s necklace keeps catching Lena’s eye. “And I, we had… a disagreement.”

Ruby’s face falls. Lena doesn’t know how to have this conversation. Ruby  _ idolizes  _ Supergirl. 

Much like Lena once did. 

“And Kara is much closer friends with Supergirl than any of us, so she feels caught in the middle.”

“And that’s why she left when you showed up tonight?”

“Yes,” Lena sighs. 

“But you guys are, like, best friends!” 

“I know.” Lena closes her eyes, drops her head back against the couch. “It all seems so  _ stupid  _ now.”

“And now she’s in trouble?”

Lena sinks further into the couch, just nods and… what, is that  _ guilt  _ she’s feeling?  _ Why _ on earth…? 

It’s not her responsibility, it’s not her fault, it’s not because of anything she’s done, she knows. She tells herself. In her head, she  _ knows.  _ But her heart, it doesn’t care, and it says  _ she’s your friend, you should be there for her. She would be there for you.  _ Ruby watches Lena stare off into space.    


“The DEO is on the way to Kara’s apartment,” the girl supplies out of nowhere. Lena blinks, looks at her. “Alex showed me how to get in,” she adds in a conspiratorial whisper. The pieces click together and Lena smiles back. 

* * *

Alex takes in Corville’s arrogant face for approximately half a second before charging and smashing the butt of her gun in it. He’s thrown to the ground, broken and bloodied nose preventing further Kryptonian chanting.

Alex whirls between the two on the ground, assessing the situation. Winn’s in her ear yelling  _ the stone! Get it out of there!  _ She clamps a foot on Corville’s chest, knocking the wind out of him. He stares back at her, crazed, defeated, a little bit proud. 

“T-too late,” he sputters as Alex wrenches the sunstone out of his grip. Kara’s voice rises in response, and her sister freezes. The screams ratchet up another notch as the 30-second-off DEO team finally appears.  
  
“On me!” Alex bellows, holding the stone out in hand while keeping Corville pinned. Two flank her, and she shoves the red crystal into the closest one's hands. “Get that out of here, get it back to Agent Schott,  _ NOW _ /” The agent whips out a black cloth bag and slips out the door with two teammates. The remaining three agents circle Alex and Corville. She barks at them to cover him, then finally,  _ finally,  _ she rips off her helmet, and she’s on the ground at Kara’s side.

As the distance between Kara and the sun crystal grows, her screaming starts to subside. Alex grabs a hand, unable to hold her still. “Kara! It’s Alex. Can you hear me?” 

* * *

Her body is still tearing itself apart, but in between the waves of pain and blackness, Kara is dimly aware of someone else, if only because the sun stone changes hands. It gets closer, and she howls. Something’s…  _ someone  _ is inside of her. There’s a fire in her core, and Kryptonian in her mouth and it’s not hers. 

The red light fades, and with it, the voice quiets to a whisper. But it’s still there, trying to push her out. She flits between the dark valley and the floor of her apartment. 

Someone calls her name. Their words fade in and out. “--hear me--?”

_ I hear you Alex I hear you and I hear her she’s coming she’s coming _

The words won’t form, not in English. Kara bites back the Kryptonian speech someone’s whispering to her, trying to say through  _ her  _ mouth. Trying to take over. 

There’s a pressure on her hand and Kara tries to reciprocate. _I hear you_ _I’m here help me stay here--_

 

* * *

“Kara!” Alex yells again when the Kryptonian squeezes back. “Kara, come on, fight it!” 

The blonde draws a ragged breath, manages to spit out in a hoarse voice “She’s--coming--” Another yell, around harsh consonants not of this world. “Stop her-- stop _me_ \--”

_ “Kara!” _

* * *

 


End file.
